Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
