she was so not down for the gang bang
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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