You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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