My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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