remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how drunk are you?
Several
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
