Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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