Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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