Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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