I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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