I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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