Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
