Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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