i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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