Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
