I wish my penis had an off switch
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me