I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,