Already got asked if we're dating
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?