You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?