look no pants
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
