I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions