Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.