every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
