dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
