guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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