i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
