Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
