My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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