question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
