K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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