I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
