to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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