Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
