Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
