The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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