What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
