She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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