A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Too much gin, very little bucket
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
