I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
