Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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