I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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