Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize