My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
