Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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