she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
