i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
