Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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