does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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