I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
