$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
