I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
