I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
