I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
