i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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