apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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