med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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