I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
