just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this boner is exhausting
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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