Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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