the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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