i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
