There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
