mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
