you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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