At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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