At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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