Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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