She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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